Showing Up for Yourself: The Science of Building Emotional Resilience in Neurodivergents
In 2022, a team of researchers studied the functioning of the parasympathetic nervous system (the part of our nervous system that helps us relax) and its influence on emotional regulation, even when using maladaptive coping strategies like suppressing emotions. While the results did not strongly indicate relief from perceived stress, they did suggest that the group was protected against prolonged depressive symptoms despite using these unhelpful techniques
This research suggests that having a more efficient nervous system is a key factor in resilience during stressful times.
Why This Matters for Neurodivergents
In 2019, a study on the nervous systems of autistic adults revealed that their nervous systems had significantly more difficulty calming down compared to their neurotypical peers. In 2024, a groundbreaking study explored the relationship between hypermobility and sensory processing in neurodivergent individuals, specifically focusing on proprioception (the sense of physical position, such as awareness of proximity to a doorframe) and interoception (the awareness of internal bodily states, like thirst or hunger). The study examined how variations in these sensory systems may contribute to emotional lability, or the ability to regulate emotions.
Research like this underscores the significant challenges that neurodivergent individuals face when it comes to navigating stress and managing their emotions. Their nervous systems are not organically wired for efficient regulation, which creates additional obstacles. This highlights the need for education within the neurodivergent community on strengthening the nervous system where possible and providing individualized supports and accommodations when impairments are either too disabling or perceived as such.
Because neurodivergent conditions exist on vast spectrums, it is crucial for each individual to understand their unique difficulties and deficits in the context of the world they navigate daily.
In 2024 a study was conducted highlighting the importance of recognizing, affirming, and accommodating individual neurodivergent identities and needs in treatment. This study found that clients' symptoms improved when their neurodivergent traits were acknowledged and accommodated.
Another study in 2022 involved a team of researchers examining the benefits of a peer-support group for neurodivergent individuals who found a 90% satisfaction rate. The team discovered that the group addressed needs left unmet by other services, such as enhanced social connections, emotional support, self-empowerment, skill development, and a sense of validation for their unique needs and experiences. This study emphasized the importance of peer-led groups, as they can offer types of support that are unique to these groups and settings.
Balance is key
It's easy to feel overwhelmed by all of this when essentially you're reading that the odds were stacked against you at your neurodivergent birth, and if you're living in the same world that I am you know that every corner you turn there's more stress coming your way, not less.
Think of your emotional resilience practices like your eating or exercise habits. Just as a balanced diet, regular exercise, and good sleep help maintain physical health, balanced practices like deep breathing, journaling, expressing emotions, strong social support, and mindfulness regulate your nervous system. When you face a stressor, like a car repair, your ongoing habits matter more than your immediate reaction. So, if you usually eat well but indulge in pizza and ice cream when stressed, it might affect you in the moment, but it won’t undo months or years of healthy habits
Research suggests that while you may feel the immediate impact of a stressor, one of our best resilience resources is a well-maintained nervous system.
When introducing a new strategy or skill to clients, a common question is, "How long should I practice this?" My answer is always, "As long as it takes to motivate you to do it again soon," which is often less time than expected. When I started mindfulness, I could only manage 60 seconds, during which I’d get distracted, criticize myself, and feel frustrated. Now, I can easily practice for over an hour, but I don't always do that. It's more important that I simply set aside time to practice mindfulness.
Think about your daily responsibilities. Even on the days you don't show up well, you still show up. You don't always need to show up well for yourself, just keep showing up for yourself.